Renewed Hope
by Ettz
Summary: After returning from a field mission, Levi feels himself falling into dark thoughts full of doubt about the mission of the Survey Corps. Riding through the village, hearing the angry words of the people he lives to protect he encounters a young Eren Yeager that gives him the renewed vigor he needs to continue on and dig himself out of his own darkness. [One shot, first fic]


Levi was exhausted. The Scouts had just returned from another long and unsuccessful mission outside the Walls; looking for what? At this point nobody but the Commander knew anymore. The trip back to the world of humans was an arduous one. They lost so many troops and had nothing to show for it yet again, and not even Erwin himself could use his skills to rally his fellow soldiers together and return with a facade of triumph. Riding through the crowd that was anxiously looking at the passing convoy, he could feel the stares of dozens of eyes and hear the whispers of contempt that flowed through the remainder of humanity. The increasing doubt that they had was warranted, Levi thought. _" All we ever come back with are more bodies, never answers. Just more heartbreak to families," _he said to himself.

Raising his head, he assessed the crowd surrounding the group, making eye contact with as many as he could and sending silent apologies through a flat gaze. Most people looked away quickly, some spat curses at him and damned his name. _"I know," _he thought bitterly. The anger wasn't lost on him. He was just as bitter and disappointed in himself as they were with him. Giving his horse a pat and tightening his grip on his reins, he sat himself up straight and fixed his gaze forward in hopes of drowning out the noise. He didn't want to hear anymore. His own thoughts were enough to beat him down and realize just how fruitless the missions seemed. As he continued, he passed Erwin and saw him being confronted by a broken and crying woman. Levi understood what was happening. He saw Erwin reach into his saddlebag to retrieve the folded and blood spattered Scouts cloak of another lost soul. He looked away and pushed out the hushed sympathies and reassurances that Erwin gave the woman about how her child's death wasn't in vain and that their sacrifice was instrumental in the fight against the Titans. He shook his head and huffed to himself, _"It's all bullshit. Every single word and that thick-eyebrowed prick knows it ". _That's not to say he hated Commander Erwin. In fact, he was as loyal as a dog to the enigmatic man, even if he didn't always understand his motives.

Taking one more look around the crowd, he zeroed in on a young boy pushing his way to the front. He had messy brown hair and green eyes, wearing a smile full of pride. "Mikasa! Look! The Scouts are back," Levi heard him say to a girl with black hair and a scarf wrapped around her neck that came up to stand beside the boy. He saw the boy pull on the girl named Mikasa's sleeve and point right at him, "There's Captain Levi! He's humanity's strongest soldier". Levi smirked inwardly to himself, not because he disagreed; he was well aware of his status among the Scouts and the people of the Walls. No, he'd been through too much in his life, starting from when his mother died in the Underground wasteland he'd grown up in all the way up to his enlistment in the military. He'd lost so many people, seen so many horrible things… _" I have so much blood on my hands I could never scrub myself clean of the burden, yet here I am. Exhausted and full of doubt. What is the point of this anymore?" _he thought somberly. He didn't have a choice but to become a strong soldier. It was absolutely vital to his survival. He needed to fight in hopes of making the sacrifices of his lost comrades worth it, no matter how long the road ahead may be.

Snapping out of his thoughts with his mood even more sour, he turned his focus back to the two children. He directed his horse to step out of the convoy, pretending to fiddle with his packs. He heard the boy chattering endlessly to his companion about his admiration for the Survey Corps and he couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Taking one more look at the pair, he watched as Mikasa turned away to pull him back the way they came. "Come on, Eren. Mrs. Yeager is expecting us home soon," she said. Levi looked on as the boy named Eren turned his back on the convoy to go back home to who he supposed was his mother.

"Eren, huh?" Levi said out loud. He gathered his reins once more and gave his horse a gentle kick. _"Time to go home, girl… I need a damn strong cup of tea," _he thought.

Back in the Scouts barracks, Levi was happy to strip himself out of the heavy ODM gear and out of his uniform. Undoing the buckles, he wrinkled his nose as he caught a whiff of himself. _"Disgusting. Titans won't be the death of me. If anything the lack of bathing facilities out in the field will destroy me first,". _Setting some water over the fire to boil, he picked through his various cans of tea leaves to find the perfect blend to unwind. Settling for a blend of black tea from the Inner Walls, he set it aside next to his teacup and gathered his night clothes.Stalking over to his private bathroom, Levi turned on the tap to take a much needed shower. Feeling the hot water beat against his skin was as good as therapy for him. He washed all the grime from his skin and lost himself in the quick routine of scrubbing away of all the stress of the last mission. "We must've lost another 20 people," he said to himself, "I'd be amazed if we have any new cadets wanting to join the Corps next cycle". Not that he didn't understand. Joining the Scouts is basically signing up to charge headfirst into Death's arms. It takes a strong and _lucky_ cadet to survive their first mission in the field, let alone to survive as long as Levi and the other senior members of the Corps.

Stepping out of the shower, he dried himself and swept a hand through his damp hair. He didn't bother styling it and instead opted to let it hang messily over his forehead. After dressing he walked out to his room to sit at his desk and finally indulge in his much needed cup of tea. Relaxing in his chair, he grabbed the rim of his teacup and gently sipped the rich liquid, once again losing himself in thought. Levi scrolled through his mental checklist of all the cleaning he needed to do in his coming off days and his squad's training schedule for the next week. Slowly, his thoughts turned darker as he mentally flipped through the faces of those that they lost on the mission and how angry he was about the lack of progress. Feeling his mood dampening by the second he furrowed his brow and glared out the window. _"Why do I fucking do this to myself?"_ he thought. Then, as if a switch was flipped he remembered the spunky kid named Eren and how much pride he had for the Scouts, not knowing the grim reality of what it meant to be human Titan fodder. Despite this, Levi felt his spirits lifting and took a long sip of his tea. The young were so innocent and full of hope that he couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in what the Survey Corps did for humanity.

"One day," he said, "we will have the answers we've been searching for and all this shit will be worth it". He set his cup down and closed his eyes as he sat back in his chair. Levi pictured Eren in his mind, seeing the look of joy in his green eyes. He could feel his fighting spirit as if it were tangible in the room. He felt his mood lightening. Letting a rare smile split across his face, he whispered one final sentence before he let himself finally get some much needed rest. "Eren, wherever you may be… thank you".


End file.
